All of a sudden, I am beginning to feel as though I have always been told what to do. All of a sudden, I am beginning to believe that I lack the ability to not only live life on my own, but live within my own frame of judgement. All of my life it seems as though I have been told where I can go, who I am allowed to interact with, what I am allowed to eat, what occupation(s) I am allowed to uphold, where I should or should not attend school; all my life I have been delegated what, where, and when to do things. I am beginning to feel as though I am not quite making a place for myself, but more so having difficulty with trying to keep my own head up for once, instead of everyone else's. I am slowly starting to realize that I am no super heroin, and I am unable to fix everyone and their problems, and I need to come to terms with that I suppose. I have hurt people, some more recently than others, and I suppose I need to eventually come to terms with that as well. However, I have this bad habit of holding onto things, events, words, people that end up being burned into my memory to the point I could almost feel the imprint on my brain. But what kind of woman would I be if I did not over exaggerate a bit. But, after much thought regarding the subject, it has a foundation of truth to it. I want to feel like I am doing something with my life, heading towards a goal or two of my own, rather than always trying to please everyone else. I am starting to realize how naive I still am to the world I live in. There are people I know who see no point in living on a day-to-day basis, and as a psychologist, it hurts me inside that I cannot help them with the partial knowledge I know from my $50,000+ education thus far. However, there are other people in my life who live(d) life to the fullest, and remind me that life is a gift in itself, and to never give up on that. If life ever starts to get dull, I have been told you need to make a change. Let me let you in on a little secret, I am not one for change. I tend to fall into old habits, tend to search for old friends and familiar faces because I am scared of new ones. Change is a concept that many see as a positive or an enforcer towards good; but in my blogger's opinion, change is simply "no bueno." I have been known for not making sense when it comes to verbalizing my own thoughts, but granted I have to prove read this, I will do my best to make sure it makes sense - I feel incomplete where I am right now in life. I feel misplaced and I am not too sure where I should be at this point. I look at those around me at every one I know seems to know what they are working towards, they seem to understand where they went wrong, and where they need to get to; all I know is that I have more than enough to be grateful for, but what does it all mean at the end of the day when it does not feel like it is a place of your own; a true place to call home.
I am not entirely sure where this post is going quite yet. As a writer, I have a bad habit of typing until I get to the end of nowhere, and that some how gets me to the end of a post each time. But I guess I am trying to share some of my goals with you. I know it should be the goal of any young adult to get a car and a place of their own, but with this semester coming up, I am technically working three jobs and I feel as though if I save every penny I make, I will have enough money saved up to make one of those happen hopefully over the summer. And with whatever money is left over from one purchase, I will use the remains to begin saving for the next big dream/goal. To be quite honest, I am tired of not being able to live under my own roof. Not that I am not grateful for what I am provided, because trust me I am; however, I just would like a place to call my own for a little while, with whatever magic or mayhem it may bring. So, here's to new dreams and resolutions. I feel as though it is a little early to be making new year's resolutions, but my first one is to budget better, save at least 80-90% of all of my pay checks, study harder in school, and raise my GPA by the end of next semester, while somehow managing to keep up with my social life. I always question why I drive myself crazy with half the stuff I do, but for whatever reason, everything does in fact happen for a reason. So I will leave you with that.
C'est la Vie!
I am not entirely sure where this post is going quite yet. As a writer, I have a bad habit of typing until I get to the end of nowhere, and that some how gets me to the end of a post each time. But I guess I am trying to share some of my goals with you. I know it should be the goal of any young adult to get a car and a place of their own, but with this semester coming up, I am technically working three jobs and I feel as though if I save every penny I make, I will have enough money saved up to make one of those happen hopefully over the summer. And with whatever money is left over from one purchase, I will use the remains to begin saving for the next big dream/goal. To be quite honest, I am tired of not being able to live under my own roof. Not that I am not grateful for what I am provided, because trust me I am; however, I just would like a place to call my own for a little while, with whatever magic or mayhem it may bring. So, here's to new dreams and resolutions. I feel as though it is a little early to be making new year's resolutions, but my first one is to budget better, save at least 80-90% of all of my pay checks, study harder in school, and raise my GPA by the end of next semester, while somehow managing to keep up with my social life. I always question why I drive myself crazy with half the stuff I do, but for whatever reason, everything does in fact happen for a reason. So I will leave you with that.
C'est la Vie!