Today the state of Massachusetts cancelled my Jury Duty, which I shouldn't complain about since I'm sick. But, I did not get out of bed today until about 6:30 pm. But earlier today, maybe around 2:00 pm, I woke up to three messages on my phone. One of them was a simplistic good morning. The second was my roommate saying she was thinking about me, to which I replied thank you, and returned to my inbox where I opened the third message. This one was from someone who was curious if I had returned to the city, or to see if my vacation had come to an end already. I know that I should not be concerned about it, but I am curious as to why he was curious about such things. That message came through at 6:45 am, which he should have known I was not going to be awake. But the thing is, if Jury Duty had not been cancelled, and I would have had to walk to the court house, I would have initially had to be awake and ready at that time. So, I suppose that has something to do with my curiosity. But what else happened today? When I replied to those messages I checked my emails, replied to some, and sent one out. I am really starting to realize how busy I am going to be this semester, and it is a bit nerve racking to tell you the truth. I am never relaxed, I do not think I have such an ability, or calm/relaxed bone in my body. Last semester I was too laid back, and I let my grades slip, more than I would have liked. My GPA dropped .11 points, which in the academic world is a big deal. I am going to do all that I can to bring my grades back up this semester. I am taking relatively easy classes, so I hope. I am taking an education class, French 114, Positive Psychology (which is all online), as well as a Co-Op class, which puts me into an actual child setting. I will be doing work off campus with a local after school program working with children in several areas of their development, and I could not be more excited about it. It is just freaking me out because it is my first chance to really prove myself to people in my field, hopefully I have what it takes to work in an environment such as this. So, I sent the executive director an email today, hopefully I will hear back from her soon to set up a meeting with her when I get back to campus for the second half of my semester.
It is crazy to think that I am going to start the second half of my second year of college. It is also crazy to think about trying to get my own life started, actually off of the ground, and in the air. Towards the end of last year I had $1080.00 in my savings account, and then I went and blew it on good times, dinners, and friends, which left me with close to nothing besides memories. And in the long run, yes, money is just an object and more is printed every day; but money is the only ticket I have to make something of myself, and sadly, it rules the world. I understand why it is in place, and why it is as popular as it is, but it is also the cousin of Greed, and those who let money consume their lives, and believe it is what makes them are wrong. It just helps you get to point A to point B. I think I mentioned in a past post that I am going to start saving up all of my money so I can see that amount of money again. And with minimum wage going up again to $10 an hour, I am going to be busting my ass to make as much money as I can with whatever time I have. I also have to make room for homework this semester because I highly underestimated my work load last year, and that was obviously No Bueno. I am just tired of feeling down. It's either my past comes up to haunt me, and I'm down. Or I cannot ever manage my time as well as I should, and it shows. Or it is putting everyone else's needs before my own, and it is getting a bit old. Because that is what I have always done, what I was raised into, what I began to believe what was right. Maybe that is why my mom was always broke, because she was too busy helping those who would never return the favor.
I made big changes last year to help myself get onto a better path for myself, to help me realign my inner balance, to get focused on finding myself. So, with the new year upon us, that is exactly what I plan to do. I am going to start looking into driving school on the weekends once I start back up at school. I am so tired of slacking, and doing something for myself like getting my license would prove to myself that I am capable of moving forward. I do not want to always feel stuck, because that is all I have felt for a long time. I feel as though my reputation is what makes me. Who I talk to, or date makes me who I am. What I choose to do, who I choose to be inside my circle of friends, those are the things that make me acceptable to others. Well, I am getting tired of being judged for things outside of my control. The only person I can control is myself, and as of now I am going to keep more to myself, because going out and socializing over vacation has gotten me no where. Every day that passes running away from the life I have sounds so wonderful, it sounds promising. It sounds fantastic. Just packing up the things that I need, and venturing out until I run out of gas, and just settle. But alas, this dream of mine only brings me back to square one: not having enough money.
My father is starting to talk about moving, and to be honest, I don't want to move with him while I am at school. It is putting a real dent in my confidence that I have friends with places of their own, with families, and full time jobs. It just makes me wonder why I am sitting here almost twenty years old with no place to call my own. It is not that I am not grateful, because I am. I am glad that my dad decided to keep a place for me in his home, when he could have easily chose not to. I am not sure exactly what I am going to do once I start school up again. I am going to be swarmed with busy schedules & assignments, and obligation. I will do my best to continue blogging, but at the end of the day it comes to blogging or sleep, please know I am going to choose sleep every time, haha.
I love you guys, I really do. The fact that on average I have only about 16 views on my page a week thrills me. Last week, it was 23. But I know my Aunt frequently comments and views, but if there is anyone out there who is interested in my personal jibberish and have social media pages, please try and post my link somewhere once and a while, if that is not too much to ask for. I understand this blog means nothing to those who do not know me personally, but it is also a good way to contact new people & give anonymous advice to others who may need it.
So, that is it for now. I hope you all have a good night, C'est moi Vie.